How to Reclaim Personal Power After Feeling Powerless

When you stop trusting your own judgement, other people’s opinions can start carrying more weight than your own. Feeling powerless can mean staying quiet when something bothers you, continually looking outside yourself for answers or allowing others to define what you should think, feel or become.

For those who have experienced trauma, painful experiences can also create self-defeating narratives and thinking patterns that keep a person stuck in disempowering stories of the past. Instead of seeing yourself clearly in the present, you may continue relating to yourself through the lens of what happened before.  

How we give power away

We do not always give our power away in obvious ways. Sometimes it happens quietly and unconsciously. Sometimes it is an automatic nervous system response from a place of survival and safety. We give out power away when we allow someone else’s opinion to become more important than our own knowing. When we continually seek approval even if it self-abandons. When we silence ourselves to keep the peace. When we abandon our boundaries because we are afraid someone will be disappointed, get angry or leave. We give our power away when we look to others to validate who we are. When we compare ourselves to others or make others responsible for our sense of worth. We give our power away by remaining in situations or relationships that continually diminish us because familiartity feels safer than the uncertainty of change.

Sometimes we give our power away by the stories we tell ourselves. So, if you find yourself asking, “Why do I self sabotage?”, old fears may be influencing your choices more than you realise.

Why reclaiming power can feel frightening

Sometimes these patterns develop as ways of surviving difficult experiences. What once helped us cope may later become something that prevents us from moving forward. You can want change but still feel afraid of your own power. Why? Well, for starters, speaking up may change a relationship. Or a new boundary may disappoint someone. That’s why learning how to trust yourself means becoming more comfortable making choices that others may not understand. Stepping into greater personal power can bring its own fears. What happens when you choose your authentic self over adaptation? What happens when you allow yourself to become more visible? There can be a profound vulnerability in becoming fully yourself.  

A shamanic perspective

Kristy sees personal power as so much more than simply confidence. Coming into a healthier relationship with personal power requires a willingness to examine the psyche and soul. It requires learning to distinguish between your authentic voice and the voice of others.  Learning how to reclaim personal power can mean reconnecting with your own spirit and calling back parts of yourself that have become lost through conditioning, fear or old patterns.

What reclaiming can look like

If you are wondering how to find yourself again, start by noticing where you silence your own instincts. Small acts of self-trust can help you reclaim your authentic self without forcing change before you are ready.

Asking questions such as:

• “What do I actually want?”

• “What matters to me?”

• “What am I ready to change?”

• “What am I continuing to carry that no longer belongs to me?”

These questions can become the beginning of a deeper relationship with self. Reclaiming personal power may also mean that not everyone will accept your growth. When you begin living with greater authenticity – some people may respond positively while others may not.

Learning to distinguish between relationships that nourish you and relationships which undermine you is an an important part of personal empowerment.

Next step

Reclaiming power takes courage. It can require facing fears that have been operating beneath conscious awareness. It can involve changing relationships with people, beliefs, behaviours and identities that once felt familiar.  If you are exploring self-trust and personal power, read about Soul Retrieval or book a session with Kristy.