The Spirit You Fear May Be the One Calling You
Some people have come to me because they thought they were possessed.
They weren’t.
Well… not by what they thought they were.
What they were experiencing was something very different.
They were in relationship with what I understood to be an initiating spirit — a presence calling them toward a path of awakening, evolution and transformation.
A presence activating dormant talents, abilities, gifts and ways of knowing. Challenging what they believed about themselves. Leading them — and their soul — toward something they did not yet understand.
And sometimes, what we do not understand can feel frightening.
When an Ally Looks Like an Enemy
I have walked this terrain myself.
I have almost two decades of lived experience with this kind of spirit-led path, and over time I have learned to recognise what I understand as the initiatory map when it begins appearing in others.
One of the most important lessons has been this:
If we mistake the ally for the enemy, we may push away something that is actually part of the initiation.
I did this myself with my own ally, Jaguar, whenever my path became too difficult to handle.
Then I would have to grovel my way back.
Hello, Jaguar.
Tail between my legs.
Please take me back.
Because eventually I would realise:
You’re not the enemy.
You are the revealer.
And it’s me you are revealing.
What the Initiation Reveals
Shame.
Fear.
Ego.
Superiority.
Inflation.
Wounds.
Distortions.
The things I did not necessarily want to see in myself.
What felt threatening was not always the spirit itself. Sometimes it was what the relationship was bringing into consciousness — the dark, disowned and unintegrated parts of me.
And then came something perhaps equally difficult to hold:
the gold.
The gifts. The abilities. The knowing. The power and potential that had also been hidden.
How could I possibly own that without allowing the ego to claim it?
That, too, became part of the work.
The Cost of Misinterpretation
The consequence of misinterpretation can be profound.
Let that sink in.
Because the thing you think you need to get rid of may, within an initiatory framework, be the very thing trying to lead you somewhere.
This is why, before deciding that something needs to be removed, released or banished, I believe we first need to understand what we are actually encountering and what relationship it has with us.
What appears similar on the surface can have very, very different roots.
And those differences matter.
Why Discernment Matters
This is why I place such importance on discernment.
Not everyone has developed the same level of discernment, nor walked this kind of spirit-led path.
For me, discernment has taken time.
Lived experience.
Testing.
Deep study.
Mistakes.
And a willingness to continually question my own interpretations.
It has also meant allowing an ally to reveal more of itself over time and through relationship, rather than assuming I understood everything from the first encounter.
Because spiritual experience is not always straightforward.
And perception is not the same as interpretation.
Discernment also means recognising that not every frightening experience is spiritual. Hearing voices, feeling watched or controlled, or believing something has taken hold of you can also have medical or psychological causes, particularly when they come with intense distress, sleeplessness or changes in how you think. If that sounds like what you are experiencing, please speak with your GP or a mental health professional first. Spiritual exploration can sit alongside that care.
Relationship Before Power
The initiate may need to learn to recognise, relate to and eventually work with a spirit presence rather than immediately trying to eradicate it as an unknown enemy — or, at the other extreme, too quickly demanding power from it.
These relationships, as I experience them, are living and reciprocal.
They can see you better than you can see yourself.
And they will test you.
Many times over.
Most of us want it, and we want it now.
But this work takes time.
Purification.
Purification.
Transformation.
Did I say purification?
There Is No Spiritual Magic Wand
There are plenty of stories that sell the dream of the spiritual magic wand.
Boom.
Now you’re a channel.
A seer.
An oracle.
But opening to spiritual perception is not the same as learning to discern what you are perceiving.
And building a relationship with an ally is not the same as claiming authority, knowledge or power.
Without discernment, what feels like truth can become entangled with projection, fantasy and partial truths.
That is why relationship matters.
And relationship takes time.
Opening Is Not the Same as Being Clear
It took me seven — almost eight — years to open, clear and stabilise a channel for this work.
Only later did a secondary channel open.
That is a long time.
Perhaps I’m slow.
I can live with that.
Because I learned something far more important along the way:
Opening is not the same as being clear.
Seeing is not the same as discerning.
You can be incredibly sensitive and still misinterpret what you are perceiving.
You can have profound experiences and still have your own wounds, fears, desires, projections, inflation, unresolved material and conditioning woven through what you see.
Spiritual sensitivity does not automatically make us spiritually clear.
Look Deeply Before Deciding What Something Is
My role is not to rush to label an experience.
It is to look deeply.
To listen carefully.
To question.
To discern what is actually present before deciding what may need to be healed, released, integrated or followed.
Because sometimes what first appears to be the darkness is not there simply to frighten us.
Sometimes, within the spiritual path I have walked, it is there to reveal what we have not yet been willing or able to see.
And sometimes the presence we are trying desperately to push away may be asking us to look more deeply at ourselves.
Next Step
If you are moving through an experience you do not yet understand and want help discerning what it is, explore Shamanic Healing or book a session with Kristy
